How can I build trust with my child’s teacher?
By Craig Hinchcliffe

The July 22, 2001 Washington Post Magazine ran a story on the degradation of trust between parents and teachers:  “Used to be, questioning school was like questioning the church or questioning your mother — verboten.”

Nowadays, however, a parent’s implicit trust in teachers has been replaced with suspicion and even antagonism. I heard that in one affluent Rochester, New York suburb, a parent brought a lawyer to a simple parent-teacher conference to review a report card. While I believe that trust should be earned, things have clearly gotten out of hand. 

One afternoon, while my students were taking an exam, I was astonished to watch Amanda crane her neck to look behind her at Sara’s exam paper. At first I thought I was mistaken and looked away. 

When I saw her do it again, I walked over to their desks and took the girls’ test papers. Sara just smirked and shrugged. Amanda had quite a different look, a cross between anger and pain.  She approached my desk as the bell rang. She begged me for another chance and assured me she knew the answers and hadn’t cheated. I stuck to my guns and gave her a zero on the exam.

She found me in the library after school. Her father was beside her. He calmly listened to my story and his daughter’s.  He explained my point of view to his daughter. I could not believe how willing he was to see my perspective. 

Amanda did not become angry, but asked for another chance to prove herself. I decided to concede some ground. I appreciated her father’s trust that I had handled the situation correctly.  Bottom line:  Amanda learned a valuable lesson and will definitely think twice before cheating again.

Here are some ideas for parents on building trust with their child’s teachers:

• Assume the teacher cares deeply about your child’s overall welfare (Most of us don’t teach to feel like a dictator.)
• Don’t be defensive — good teachers act objectively and don’t think a bad kid means bad parents (Remember:  Lisa and Bart Simpson have the same parents.)
• Ask about the teacher’s disciplinary philosophy and think about and discuss how you can link your philosophy with the teacher’s
• Ask how your child really interacts in school — with teachers as well as other students
• Ask how you can work with the teacher to help your child learn. 

In short, think of your child’s teacher as a member of your team. With this approach to parent- teacher relations, your child will be the big winner in the end.